Dear God, I’ve Made Some Notes.

This main character- she doesn’t make sense to me.

I don’t understand how her story fits into the wider plot.

She seems to share very little with the main themes and is recognisable only by her constantly-trumpeted outlandish outfits.

I think you need to make her more deliberate.

Is she comic relief? If so, make her funnier.

If tragic, then please make her circumstances worse.

Honestly, if it were up to me, I’d cut her altogether.

I’ve mentioned that this character is out of sorts with the narrative as a whole-

but, really, “narrative” is a generous term for this

awfully convoluted, directionless collection of nonsensical vignettes.

Overall, I think this work needs a lot more drafting before you can even consider letting anyone read it.

Still, I suppose none of this is up to me.

It’s your work. I just hope you know what you’re doing.